Lace-Covered Compromise Page 6

  “Adam?”

  “What?”

  “I don’t hate you.”

  I looked away. “You should.”

  This time when I stomped into the bathroom, I shut the door firmly and locked it.

  I immediately turned on the shower to block out the sounds of Nate moving around, but I didn’t get in. Instead I sat there on the stool at the vanity, trying not to look in the mirror, certain I’d see something I didn’t like. Vulnerability. Concern. Myself softening toward Nate. What if . . .

  No, he wasn’t right about Kingston. His ideas wouldn’t work. But maybe . . .

  Like he’s going to compromise now after you fucked him and ran him off.

  No! I couldn’t let him leave. I jerked at the door, forgetting I’d locked it. “Shitfuck!” I turned the lock and opened it.

  “Nate!” I yelled, but he was gone. I was too late to apologize, not that I knew how.

  Call him.

  My phone lay on the floor by my pants, taunting me.

  The sooner you talk to him the better. It’s only going to get harder.

  Like this could get any worse. I was sitting here covered in Nate Thomas’s spunk. I let him order me around, drag things from me that I don’t give to anyone, and then I told him to fuck off.

  Call him.

  I was tempted to listen to the voice urging me on. But he said the truce only lasted while we fucked.

  Maybe he just said that to get me to calm down and let go enough to enjoy what I was doing.

  I remembered watching his face as I came buried inside him, hanging over him, surrounding him. That hadn’t been a look of hate.

  This was too painful. I should’ve just punched him when he’d kissed me. I might’ve broken my hand against his steely jaw, but at least I wouldn’t feel so . . . bereft.

  Somehow I forced myself to step into the shower and wash off all traces of Nate and what we’d done. If only it was as easy to wipe all memories of the day from my mind.

  Once I’d cleaned up, I tried to go to sleep, but I lay in bed, tossing, turning, fighting the urge to jerk off to the memory of Nate sucking me, riding me, fucking unraveling everything I thought I knew.

  After a few bouts of fitful sleep, sunlight was beginning to stream into the windows, and I was wide awake. Thoughts of how I’d screwed up with Nate swirled in my head. I needed to do something to hold them at bay. I stumbled into the kitchen, started a pot of coffee, and studied the goings on outside my window to distract myself until it was ready. A couple of cats were prowling the ledge of the building across from me. A flower seller was setting up a stall in the street below. The tree just below me seemed to be full of birds.

  Beeeeep! The coffee pot pulled my attention back inside. I filled a mug, dumped a shot or two of whiskey into it, and took a few sips. Then I picked my phone. I had to talk to someone and there was only one person I could confess to.

  “Hello?” a muffled sleepy voice answered.

  “Valerie?”

  “What time is it?”

  I looked at the clock. It was only five thirty.

  “Oh it’s earlier than I thought. Sorry.”

  “Thoughtful as ever. What’s wrong?”

  “I slept with him.”

  “What? Who?” I could imagine her sitting up, eyes wide. I liked that I could still shock her occasionally.

  “Nate.”

  “Wait. You slept with Nate Thomas? Your archenemy?”

  “I did.”

  “I’ll be right over. You’d better have plenty of coffee.”

  “I do. Mine’s Irish.”

  “Maybe mine should be too, and order some breakfast. This is too much to take in on an empty stomach.”

  I said goodbye, dialed the concierge, and ordered two large hot breakfasts.

  Valerie knocked on my door sooner than I expected. She must have dressed in seconds, but of course she was as impeccable as ever. I’d never been able to figure out her secret.

  “Could you at least look like shit first thing in the morning?”

  She laughed. “I’m a duchess, darling. That just wouldn’t do.” Then she whisked past me and poured herself a mug of coffee.

  “Breakfast is on the way,” I told her.

  “Excellent, now tell me how the hell you went from contemplating Nate’s murder to jumping in his bed.”

  “He was in my bed actually.” I frowned at her. “Aren’t you a bit surprised that I’m bi?” I’d called her because I needed her, but now that I was faced with the reality of telling her what happened with Nate, there was a knot in my stomach.

  “I guessed that a while ago, and you basically confirmed it the other day when I said there was more to you and Nate than arguing over Kingston.”

  “You could act a little shocked.”

  “Adam, get on with the story.”

  I sighed. “Lust and anger are closely linked.”

  “In movies yes, but—”

  “He confronted me in my office a few days ago.”

  “About your plan for Kingston?”

  I nodded. “We argued. I shoved him. He shoved me back and then we were kissing.”

  She set her coffee down, closed her eyes, and exhaled. “Fuck.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Did you do that too?”

  “Not right then. He told me off and left.”

  What if he was scared then just like I was last night? Maybe I wasn’t so terrible.

  No, I’m a right bastard. No way around it.

  I sighed and took a sip of coffee. “So then he sent a proposal for fixing Kingston’s financial issues. I made changes and sent it back.”

  She raised a brow. “You make that sound innocuous, but I can imagine the kind of changes you made.”

  “I made changes because he’s not being realistic.”

  She snorted. “Neither are you. Adam, you don’t know a thing about reality. You grew up being given everything you wanted and you think that’s how the world works.”

  “Well . . . so did you.” Wow. Great comeback.

  “We’re not talking about me. Let’s focus on you and Nate.”

  I shook my head. “There is no me and Nate.”

  “Evidence speaks to the contrary.”

  I sat my coffee cup down so hard, liquid splashed over the side. “I made changes, legitimate changes, and sent them. He didn’t respond, so I called. He didn’t answer. I tracked him down.”

  “In his office?”

  “No, at a club.”

  “Oh fuck.”

  “He was . . .” I paused. “This isn’t something you can tell anyone.”

  “I think by now you know you can trust me with your secrets.”

  “But this isn’t my secret, it’s Nate’s.”

  She nodded.

  “He was wearing lipstick and manties.”

  “Oh. My. God.” She fanned herself. “I wish I’d seen that.”

  I scowled at her.

  “He’s hot, Adam. You’re not the only one who’s noticed.”

  “No, I guess not.”

  “So you went home with him and fucked?”

  “More or less.”

  She got up and poured herself a second cup of coffee. After she’d added cream and sugar, she asked, “How did you go from confronting him to jumping into bed exactly?”

  “I told him he had to come home with me so we could hash this out for good. We were running out of time, because we meet with the board again tonight to report on our progress. When we got back to my place, he accused me of having ulterior motives for bringing him there.”

  “Did you?”

  “I’m not sure.”

  She frowned.

  “Not consciously, but I knew what might happen.”

  “And it did.”

  “Oh, yes.”

  She leaned in conspiratorially. “Good?”

  “So fucking good.”

  “As good as you’d imagined?”

  I tried to take a sip of coffee and
realized my cup was empty. “How do you know I imagined it?”

  “Anyone who likes men would imagine it with Nate.”

  The doorbell rang, saving me from her overly perceptive observations. “Our breakfast is here.”

  “Food won’t save you from telling me everything.”

  “I’m a gentleman, I’m hardly going to—”

  She laughed. “I didn’t mean those details. Although . . .”

  “Hush.”

  I answered the door, and gestured toward the coffee table. “Just leave the tray there please.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  “Thank you,” I said as I handed the waiter a tip.

  “My pleasure, sir.”

  I closed the door and was alone again with Valerie. She was going to drag the story out of me, but there were things I wasn’t ready to tell myself.

  She removed the lid from the tray and unwrapped the silverware. I sat as she handed me a napkin. What else was I going to do? Run away?

  “So you knew?” I asked her.

  “About Nate or about you liking men?”

  “Yes.”

  “I suspected strongly.”

  “Why?”

  “The way you talk about him like an ex-lover you hate but still want to fuck.”

  “I don’t—”

  Her expression told me to shut up. “And I’ve caught you noticing hot men the same way you do women.”

  That worried me a lot more. “Do other people know?” I picked up a piece of bacon and took a bite, bracing myself for her answer.

  “I doubt it.”

  “Good.”

  She gave me a look that said she was disappointed in me.

  “Look, it’s not that I think being bi is wrong or anything, but I’ve got to think about my position with Kingston. There are plenty of people who wouldn’t do business with me if they knew I liked men.”

  “And when have you ever cared what people think of you?”

  “When it costs me money.”

  Valerie shook her head. “That’s a shitty attitude even for you. What about when it costs you happiness?”

  “I didn’t call you here to have a coming-out conversation. Fucking men is just something I do. I don’t need to talk about it, and there’s no reason for anyone to know.”

  “Fine, but people will sure as hell realize you like men if they see you panting after Nate.”

  I scowled at her. “I have no intention of panting after him.”

  “Mm-hmm,” she said as he buttered her toast.

  “This was a one-time thing.”

  “You have those all the time—I assume sometimes with men?”

  I nodded.

  “So why is this one freaking you out?”

  “Why is this . . .? Valerie, the man now owns half my company.” And he makes me feel too much.

  “And you hate him for that.”

  I shook my head. “I don’t really hate him, but he infuriates me. He always has, because he’s—”

  “Gorgeous. Open. An honest man everyone likes.”

  “Fuck no, because . . . Sometimes I really hate how you call me on my bullshit.”

  She laughed. “I know, but I have no intention of stopping.”

  “I have to go to face him and finish our fucking plan which we never did because we were . . . fucking. What am I going to do?”

  She finished a bite of toast before answering. “I take it things didn’t go well afterwards.”

  “You could say that.”

  “What did you do to him?”

  “Why do you assume it was me?”

  She raised a brow.

  I frowned. “It’s not always me.”

  “No, it just usually is.”

  I drained my coffee and set the cup down. “Remind me why we’re friends.”

  Valerie laid a hand over mine. “You need someone who doesn’t let you play them, who isn’t scared of you, and who isn’t going to be a sexual conquest.”

  “Thank you.” I squeezed her hand and sighed. “You know, my father was right about one thing; you’re everything I should want in a woman. But I don’t deserve you—or Nate.” I set my fork down, no longer hungry.

  “That’s not true. You’re an amazing man, or I would’ve stopped putting up with you years ago. You simply have a prickly exterior. Anyway, remember, I’m already married.”

  “He’s never around.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Not when I’m in Chicago. He doesn’t like to travel to America.”

  “Then why do you spend so much time here?”

  “My life was here before I met my husband, and you know the saying ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’? It’s true. I love him and we’re happy, but we’re both stubborn people and it’s good to have time apart.”

  I poured more coffee for both of us. “I’m glad you’re happy. If anyone deserves to be a duchess, it’s you.”

  “Maybe Nate could do the same for you.”

  “Ha! We fucked. We’re not—”

  She gave me a pointed look. “There’s more there. If there was nothing but lust involved, you would’ve resisted him instead of putting yourself in jeopardy.”

  “I hardly jeopardized—”

  “He could out you. He’s got a surefire way to manipulate you now.”

  I shook my head frantically. That was not going to happen. “I’m the manipulator, and remember, I know secrets about him too.”

  “Hmmm, then you two are quite a pair.”

  “No, we’re not anything but business associates.”

  She smirked at me over the rim of her coffee cup. “Methinks the stubborn ass doth protest too much.”

  Don’t let her see that she’s right. “What? Why?”

  “Your calculated surprise just now is a perfect example.”

  She took a last bite of eggs and let me stew. I’d still hardly touched my own breakfast, and her words weren’t doing anything for my appetite, because it was true that if Nate didn’t get under my skin in some way, if he didn’t make me want like no one I could remember, things never would’ve gone so far.

  “No matter what my feeling are for Nate. He’s going to ruin this company if he’s given free reign, and even if he agrees to my ideas, I wasn’t supposed to have to share Kingston.”

  She sighed. “I know how angry you are. You think your father betrayed you.”

  I rubbed my forehead, trying to stave off a headache. “I was a shit son, and now I’m paying for it.”

  Valerie shook her head. “I wasn’t saying that.”

  “But you’re thinking it. Everyone is thinking it.”

  She set down her coffee and studied me. “Your relationship with your father was . . . Is it too cliché to say complicated?”

  “Yes.”

  She smiled. “Well, complex then.”

  “He hated me. How complex is that?”

  “No, I don’t believe he did. I think he had trouble understanding you, and you didn’t always make that easy.”

  That was an understatement. “I didn’t want him telling me what to do.”

  “You had every right to find your own way but—”

  “I should’ve tried harder. I know. It’s too late now, and I’m stuck with fucking Nate Thomas.”

  She laughed, softly at first and then as I realized what I’d said and joined her, full on wild laughter.

  “I didn’t mean— Oh, hell.” It took me several more moments to compose myself.

  “There. Didn’t that feel good?” she asked.

  I slumped back against the sofa. “I guess.”

  “You really are going to have to talk to him if you’re going to have a solution to show the board.”

  I shook my head. “I can’t.”

  “You’re a grown man. You can face last night’s bad decisions.”

  Could I really? “How can I compromise with him after what happened?”

  “So you’re going to be childish. He can’t fuck you and then get what he wants?�
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  “For the record, I fucked him.”

  “I thought you weren’t going to share those details,” she said as she stirred more cream into her coffee.

  “I thought you wanted them anyway.”

  She flipped me off. Something about the gesture from a woman who looked as elegant as Grace Kelly was too much. My laughter threatened to turn into hysterics.

  Valerie grasped my hands. “Adam, you have to try.”

  “Do I? I could just walk away.”

  She rolled her eyes and huffed. “What was your proposal that made him so angry?”

  “That we split the company. He could take Enviro and a few other divisions.”

  “But not Research.”

  I shook my head. “No.”

  “Even I can see how that won’t work.”

  “I knew it wouldn’t work when I wrote it up, but I wanted to piss him off.” I blew out a long breath. “I fucking hate this.”

  “Can you postpone the meeting, give yourself more time?”

  “And admit I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing? Hell no.”

  She took a sip of coffee, wiped her mouth, and then glanced at her phone. “I have to go now. Please do something. You can’t talk to your father now but you can save his company.”

  “Maybe I’m just too damn stubborn.”

  “So you’ll just go down with your ship when there are enough life boats for everyone.”

  “I’m not sure there are.”

  Valerie scoffed. “I am, at least if you’re willing to get in one with Nate. Now walk me to the door.”

  I held out a hand to Valerie and pulled her to her feet. Then I drew her into a tight hug. “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome, as always.”

  We crossed the room and she kissed my cheek, before leaving. I closed the door behind her and then leaned against it. After last night, I not only wanted to save Kingston, I wanted to impress Nate with a solution, but would he ever compromise with me after the way I’d run him off?

  After Valerie left, I sat there staring at the remains of my breakfast.

  Get up, get dressed, and go make this compromise happen.

  That’s what I needed to do, but every time I thought about seeing Nate, panic shut me down. My heart raced, my head pounded, and I felt like I might be sick.